YOUR HELP IS NEEDED!
Young Cindy Kortis of Newark, CT is dying. She has a rare condition known CAT LADY SMELL that causes her to reek of the combined urinesque odors of thirty to forty cats forced to live in a small apartment. With time, she will suffocate her own vile smell of ammonia and KITTY BUSINESS.
BUT YOU CAN HELP.
Everytime this is forwarded, Bill "Smilin' Joe" Gates will donate five dollars towards the purchase of bullett which will be used by OUR LEADER GEORGE WALKER "TEXAS RANGER" BUSH to set up a carnival game. In this game, various yokels will be able to shoot at YOUNG CINDY'S cats. For ever cat killed, said yokel will receive a DALE "THE TERMINATOR" EARNHARDT MIRROR, suitiable for display.
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Monday, March 5, 2007
Saturday, February 3, 2007
GET RICH QUICK
YOUNG JOEY MASTERSON of Chikupuke, CT is sick. Young Joey has a rare and incurable disease known as Haplert's Warts, which are not really warts at all, but are rather a series of open wounds covering the body that attract a small insect called Halpert's Disgusting Little Bugs to feed on the exposed goo. Young Joey will most likely live out many, many years covered in blood, scabs and engorged lice-like creatures. His parents, hobos both, cannot afford the baths so necessary to remove the bugs so Joey is doom to some sick shit.
BUT YOU CAN HELP.
Bill Gates will donate five cents everytime this e-mail is forwarded toward the purchase a Colt Six Shooter of the very same kind used by John Wayne to fight Communism, Nazism and Homosexuuality during WWI, WWII and the Pelopensian War. If this e-mail is forwarded enough times then upon the purchase of the pistol John Wayne will personally rise from the grave and put Young Joey down like the rabid dog he is.
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BUT YOU CAN HELP.
Bill Gates will donate five cents everytime this e-mail is forwarded toward the purchase a Colt Six Shooter of the very same kind used by John Wayne to fight Communism, Nazism and Homosexuuality during WWI, WWII and the Pelopensian War. If this e-mail is forwarded enough times then upon the purchase of the pistol John Wayne will personally rise from the grave and put Young Joey down like the rabid dog he is.
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Monday, January 29, 2007
One Plus One = One Plus One
I NORMALLY DONT SEND E-MAIL JOKES BUT THIS IS THE FUNNY.
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A Rabbi, A Priest and an Imam walk into a bar. The Imam quickly notes that he is not allowed by ALLAH to drink beer. The Rabbi orders a beer because he can. And then they all die and rot in HELL because they didn't believe in the JESUS WHO LOVES THE WORLD. JOHN 3:16. The Priest then molests a little boy. HAHA. THE END.
FORWARD THIS TO YOUR FRIENDS
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A Rabbi, A Priest and an Imam walk into a bar. The Imam quickly notes that he is not allowed by ALLAH to drink beer. The Rabbi orders a beer because he can. And then they all die and rot in HELL because they didn't believe in the JESUS WHO LOVES THE WORLD. JOHN 3:16. The Priest then molests a little boy. HAHA. THE END.
FORWARD THIS TO YOUR FRIENDS
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In Our Time of Greatest Need
Guys, this is for real. Our Leader, George Walker "Texas Ranger" Bush needs our help! He is in the midst of delicate negotiations with the tiny island nation of Lop Peru for a very rare and valuable breed of llama found only on this island and in Iran. The spit of this llama can cure the following diseases: cancer, AIDS, dum dum fever, athlete's foot, gayness and Smeckler's Powder. Furthermore, these rare and beautiful llamas produce offspring that look exactly like Mary-Kate Olsen.
YOU CAN HELP!
Every 25 times this e-mail is forwarded, Bill Gates will go the island nation of Lop Peru and deflower one of the Olsen-llamas. With your help, he will be nuts deep in llama for the rest of his life.
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YOU CAN HELP!
Every 25 times this e-mail is forwarded, Bill Gates will go the island nation of Lop Peru and deflower one of the Olsen-llamas. With your help, he will be nuts deep in llama for the rest of his life.
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Sunday, January 28, 2007
For God and Country
A JOKE FOR YOU
Three midgets walk into a gay bar with a priest. Each says to the other, "Hey, I bet we don't get laid tonight." The priest tells the midgets and all the other patrons of the bar that they are going to Hell and then he molests a child.
WE NEED YOUR HELP
Everytime you forward this joke, Bill Gates will donate $400 to the fight against midget homosexuality. Please think of the souls of the little people.
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Three midgets walk into a gay bar with a priest. Each says to the other, "Hey, I bet we don't get laid tonight." The priest tells the midgets and all the other patrons of the bar that they are going to Hell and then he molests a child.
WE NEED YOUR HELP
Everytime you forward this joke, Bill Gates will donate $400 to the fight against midget homosexuality. Please think of the souls of the little people.
SUPPORT OUR TROOPS
For Britannia!
Guys, this is for real. Young Mary Worthington of Shrevport, Kentucky needs our help. Mary has a rare disorder which makes it impossible for her to urinate between 12 noon and 4 a.m. This, understandably, has made her life very difficult. Throughout the day she is subject to extreme pain and usually does not take any liquids until the appointed hour.
MARY NEEDS OUR HELP
Clearly God is punishing Mary for her unchaste lifestyle by infecting her peehole. Bill Gates will donate $1, 000 everytime this message is forwarded one-thousand times. These donations will be used to stage mass protest outside Mary's house of sin. There will dripping faucets, self-righeousness and large placards reading 'KEEP IT OUT OF YOUR PANTS' (as Mary is a harlot, not a man with natural manly urges that must be "kept in the pants".) PLEASE HELP.
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And GOD BLESS OUR LEADER, George Walker "Texas Ranger" Bush
MARY NEEDS OUR HELP
Clearly God is punishing Mary for her unchaste lifestyle by infecting her peehole. Bill Gates will donate $1, 000 everytime this message is forwarded one-thousand times. These donations will be used to stage mass protest outside Mary's house of sin. There will dripping faucets, self-righeousness and large placards reading 'KEEP IT OUT OF YOUR PANTS' (as Mary is a harlot, not a man with natural manly urges that must be "kept in the pants".) PLEASE HELP.
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And GOD BLESS OUR LEADER, George Walker "Texas Ranger" Bush
Truly That Man Was The Son of God
URGENT! Please take the time to read the following, the life you save may be your own.
Young Billy Johnston of Lugapouke, NC is dying. On a recent trip with his family to Lake Nagapik just north of his home, Billy was infected by the rare coecanthlic splint---a type of parasitic fish found throughout the continental United States and portions of northern Mexico. The splint, also called a poon fish, swims up the urethra of the unwitting victim and on into the gonads of males. (It is passed out by females with no noticeable effects.) Once infected, the victims genitalia enlarge and larges doses of testosterone are delivered into the bloodstream. Young victims reach puberty far earlier than is normal. Adult victims die of blood loss to the brain, as their private areas swell to stupendous sizes.
It is too late for young Billy. There is no known cure and in a few years he will meet that same fate as an adult. In the meantime, he has burgeoning career in adult film.
YOU CAN HELP.
Bill Gates has promised that for every one thousand times this message is forwarded via e-mail or MySpace, he will provide $5000 towards the draining of all lake in North America and that he will also personally purchase five copies of young Billy's first professional film, 'Fishnuts'.
SUPPORT OUR TROOPS
Young Billy Johnston of Lugapouke, NC is dying. On a recent trip with his family to Lake Nagapik just north of his home, Billy was infected by the rare coecanthlic splint---a type of parasitic fish found throughout the continental United States and portions of northern Mexico. The splint, also called a poon fish, swims up the urethra of the unwitting victim and on into the gonads of males. (It is passed out by females with no noticeable effects.) Once infected, the victims genitalia enlarge and larges doses of testosterone are delivered into the bloodstream. Young victims reach puberty far earlier than is normal. Adult victims die of blood loss to the brain, as their private areas swell to stupendous sizes.
It is too late for young Billy. There is no known cure and in a few years he will meet that same fate as an adult. In the meantime, he has burgeoning career in adult film.
YOU CAN HELP.
Bill Gates has promised that for every one thousand times this message is forwarded via e-mail or MySpace, he will provide $5000 towards the draining of all lake in North America and that he will also personally purchase five copies of young Billy's first professional film, 'Fishnuts'.
SUPPORT OUR TROOPS
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